Today I watched Joey Chestnut wolf down his eighth year of hotdog glory, cramming his mouth with nothing but celebratory franks and milk. I nearly couldn’t watch. The sandy beach hangout where I was sitting was full of patrons with eyes glued to the screen, under the grotesque spell of this gluttonous pastime. My FOMO kept my attention on the hotdog eating contest. (FOMO, for the uninitiated, is Fear of Missing Out and is a phrase I’m sure will join the likes of YOLO in the near future.)
As we all joined in on the American pastime of chillin’ in the sun with a cold drink in hand, sports on the TV at the local bar, flags flying high, I stopped to look around at Americans today. This slice of Americana on Cocoa Beach was probably not what the founding fathers envisioned when our great country canme to be. We are a group of vastly different nationalities that seem to agree on not much more than a simmering political discontent. We blame Obama for everything. We complain about gas prices and college tuition and fight over which fast food chain we want to buy dinner from. There are those who grumble about foreign cars, closing the border and kicking Justin Beiber out of the country. For crying out loud, I just saw an ad on TV for the “quesorito”, a burrito wrapped in a quesadilla. Don’t even get me started.
But despite all that, there is tremendous hope and accomplishment in our country. We may not all agree on politics or what is considered socially acceptable. We may be a country of obese people with an inexplicable complex with perfect teeth. But we are, for lack of a better term, really awesome.
What other country has such a vast melting pot of culture? America is host to the world. We have endless opportunity. There is nothing you can’t do in America. We are more than dreamers, we are achievers. We build skyscrapers just to surpass them with rockets to the moon.
Americans don’t understand the meaning of words like, “no” and “can’t.” We’re driven. We’re very caffeinated. We invented Starbucks.
There is no place like America. We’re a relatively young country, sure, but we’re really rocking our stars and stripes. We have a million problems, but we have a million and one solutions.
So. Let’s go blow up Twitter with a little home pride. #MERICA
Just kidding. Don’t hashtag.
But happy fourth, everyone! Enjoy the fireworks!