I Don’t Do How You Do, Katy

It has been a small eternity since I logged into my WordPress account for the simple fact that my best friend was in town and we were painting it red. And of course, shenanigans take precedence over mindless blogging, and so voila, it has been about an eon or so. I am back from hiatus. Hello again, internet!

(Although during the break I learned that Barnes & Noble Cafes are not Starbucks, they merely offer Starbucks products–thanks, adamant Barista Bestie of mine– and that cappuccinos are, essentially, half-lattes with lots of foam.) Obviously having a barista as a best friend has its perks. (Like 50% off at Barnes and Noble Café. What whaaaat.)

Anyway, as I was driving aimlessly around the Orlando/Kissimmee area, trying to decide what best to blog about while I procraffinate (that is procrastinating and drinking coffee, simultaneously) Katy Perry’s new song came on the radio.

And all of a sudden my list of meandering blog topics felt meaningless, although perhaps one day I’ll return to them. (These topics include bringing back I Dream of Jeannie, the really super sketchy Orlando Public Library, and how wonderful 24-hour Starbucks can be past midnight when all the college kids emerge with their laptops and online classes.)

No, Katy Perry’s This Is How We Do all of a sudden became my primary interest.

Katy, we have a bone to pick.

(And can you explain to me the meaning of “straight stuntin'” while you’re at it?)

I don’t know about any of you, but I don’t roll up in my Maserati, grab tacos and check out hotties before ‘talking astrology’ and ‘getting my nails did all Japanese-y.’ If you can afford that Maserati, it only makes sense you can afford a dictionary, too, and maybe a college education to prevent phrases like ‘Japanese-y’ and ‘getting my nails did’ from existing in the first place.

Second, why are we glorifying things like ‘this one goes out to the ladies at breakfast in last night’s dress,’ ‘this goes out to all you kids that still have their cars at the club valet and it’s Tuesday,’ and ‘ Yo, shout out to all you kids, buying bottle service, with your rent money. Respect.’

Respect?

I don’t have respect for using the rent money for “straight stuntin'” and “going to bed with a ten and waking up with a two.”

I know this is a liberal world we live in. Nobody can say anything without being offended because that’s just how it works in this day and age. Everyone is accepted in a world where expressing personal opinions is not.

But it is impossible to listen to lyrics like this and wonder, is this where society is headed? Are we straight up hoppin’ with our cliques into the twenty-first century in a neon haze after playing ping pong all night long?

I don’t want to be the person standing on a soap box, squawking about songs like these promoting negative behavior like I’m a mom at a PTA meeting or the dad from Footloose. All I’m saying is, why don’t we have positive influences infiltrating our media? What are songs like these doing to preteens and their mentality?

I tried to be cool in middle school. Soulja Boy was the jam of my seventh grade year, and everyone was a little bit gangster and completely awkward. Is the younger generation going to want to ‘day drink at Wildcats and suck real bad at Mariah Carey-oke?’ Are they going to aspire to wake up ‘sipping on Rosé, Silver Lake sun, coming up all lazy’ because it is, as Katy repeats eight times, ‘no big deal, no big deal, no big deal…’?

This is the music of our generation! This, forty years from now, will be considered ‘oldies.’ Our grandkids will find Katy Perry CD’s and ask, “You really had CD’s back then?” and look nonplussed at the sight of a tape deck or, heaven forbid, a record.

I can’t even imagine where music–or media!–is headed if this is the kind of thing glamour goddesses like Katy Perry are selling to the masses.

No, thanks.

You can do how you do, Katy. I’m going to now politely do how I do, rolling up in my minivan, and changing the radio station.

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2 thoughts on “I Don’t Do How You Do, Katy

  1. Aimee says:

    Thank you for writing this I was going to write the exact same thing and was wondering if I was the only one perplexed by the blatant glorification of addiction. Ya this is how we end up homeless spending our rent money!!! Respect!???? Wtf? I’m also not one to diss the kids music, this actually is a catchy tune but really ? addiction is a one way ticket to hell and following Katie Perry’s instructions is not advised!

  2. Rad Richardson says:

    For what’s it worth, I’m 38 and just took my 10yo daughter to a Katy perry show, sat front row. She had a blast and doesn’t care about lyrics. I grew up with gangsta rap and grunge and I loved it. I’m a doctor now and liked what I liked. My daughter had a blast and believe it or not Katy perry is a much better influence than most. Any haters are bored or jealous with nothing better to do. The majority of her songs are empowering and uplifting, “this is how we do” just happens to be my favorite… And well because I worked hard and could “straight stunt” if I wanted to…. All songs are fantasy anyway, find someone else to keep you up at night

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